In the corridor, Owen radios Jack to ask how the hunt’s going. Jack gives him the bad news that Bride of Teeth got away from them, and asks how Gwen’s doing. Owen tells him that Rhys and Brenda are with her, and she seems to be fine so far. This sets alarm bells ringing for Tosh, since Brenda is right there talking to Mrs. Cooper. That’s a pretty oblique clue, I know, but she is a highly trained professional.
So, Owen goes back to Gwen’s room to confront the Brenda there, while Jack and Tosh deal with the one outside, right? Oh, no, all three of them, plus Ianto, burst into Gwen’s room at once, training guns on this Brenda. Yes, that’s the most sensible approach to take in this situation. “Get away from her, you ugly bitch!” Jack yells. Strangely enough, Rhys is a little bit put out at this. Jack explains that Brenda is actually Bride of Teeth, Brenda denies it. Gwen confirms that this really is Brenda, because Nostrovites can’t copy smells, and she would “recognise that bloody awful perfume anywhere.” Rhys finally delivers a solid right hook to Jack’s jaw. “That’s for calling my mother an ugly bitch!” I told you that would feel good! “Hold on,” Tosh says with dawning realisation, “if this is Rhys’s mother, then who’s that outside?” Sharp as a marble, that one. Everybody except poor confused Brenda tears off to go hunt the fake Brenda down. The hijinks, how they ensue. We seriously need to get some sliding trombones on the soundtrack here, stat. You guys are really letting the side down.
They find Brenda-shaped Bride of Teeth outside, and she doesn’t even bother with denials, just puts her game face on and grabs Mrs. Cooper by the throat. “The bond between mother and child is a wonderful thing,” she hisses at Gwen. “Your mother for my child.” “No deal,” Jack says without thinking. Psst, Jack! That’s a different show! On which Jack would, undoubtedly, be the kind to stumbly blindly to the end refusing great deal after great deal, and then, hopefully, end up with next to nothing, at which point I cheer. I love it when they get punished for their unfettered greed. Anyway, Torchwood. Bride of Teeth tells Jack that he’s not the one who gets to make that call, and Mrs. Cooper martyrously begs Gwen not to give herself up. Gwen says she can’t do that, and starts slowly advancing like she’s walking down the aisle again, with those flowers still held in front of her. Once she feels Gwen is close enough, Bride of Teeth shoves Mrs. Cooper away and lunges at Gwen, crying “Come to mumma!” At which point Gwen pulls out the gun she’d quite blatantly been hiding behind those flowers and just keeps on firing shots into Bride of Teeth until she has no more shots left to fire. Whatever, show. Bride of Teeth still manages to escape, ridiculously. Nobody even bothers to chase her this time. Just terrific commitment there, team. Mr. Cooper, all hero-worshippy, tells Jack that Gwen told him everything, but he didn’t believe it. What a guy! Jack warns everyone that Bride of Teeth will be back, and tells Owen to shoot that damn baby already.
April 9, 2009 at 10:30 am
I think that it is a very interesting and amusing article. Practically all its main points are true.