But still not effective enough, apparently. Bride of Teeth plays dead until Owen gets close enough in checking that she’s actually dead for him/her to make a grab for him, thus proving that he/she is, in fact, not dead. But then he/she sniffs Owen and gets confused by his zombie status and just leaves him there, even though he begs her to take a bite. Owen’s still dead, everybody! And still suicidal, too!
Outside, Rhys is leading Gwen away from the hotel, and she feels a sudden contraction. Rhys asks if she’s OK. “I’m running around in a wedding dress,” she replies, “with what feels like a keg of lager stuck up my skirt. What do you think, Rhys?” I don’t know about you, but I think I’d have mentioned “psycho shapeshifter alien out for my blood” before “wearing a wedding dress”.
Gwen’s room. Jack, Ianto and Tosh come in, and Owen immediately points his gun at Jack. “Put it down, Owen!” Jack says, like Owen is being completely ridiculous here. And Owen obeys. For fuck’s sake. Seriously now. You have a fucking shapeshifter on the loose. Verify some fucking identities, you fucking morons! Especially if they’re on their own! Fuck! Owen reports that “mother instinct or something” is making Bride of Teeth unstoppable, and so their guns don’t work. I think it’s called ‘contrivance’, actually. Jack grins. “Then we’re gonna need a bigger gun,” he says.
Cut to Jack and Ianto assembling said bigger gun from parts out of the back of the Hyena. Can you think of another cliché they could put into this episode? I can’t.
Gwen’s getting closer and closer to having Baby Nostrovite burst out of her stomach, and Rhys gets her into… Is that a stable? Are you fucking kidding me? Rhys bolts the door and lays Gwen down on the hay. Someone starts banging at the door. Gwen tries to shush Rhys, but he thinks it’s fairly obvious that Bride of Teeth already knows they’re in there, because why else would she be hammering at the door? Gwen freaks when she sees that Rhys has the Singularity Scalpel, but freaks even more with the pain of alien childbirth and shrieks “Just do it!” at Rhys. He misfires once before hitting the alien spawn, but there’s no tension in it, because there is no way they would actually kill Gwen or ever cause any harm to her, because she is the Heart of Torchwood and all that is good and right in the world.
Bride of Teeth bursts in, looking like Brenda again, just for the hell of it, I guess. Rhys, showing excellent resourcefulness, finds a chainsaw on the floor, and fires it up. “You’re too late!” he cries, “[the baby]’s gone! And I’ve had it up to here with you! You get my girlfriend pregnant, you impersonate my mum, and you ruin my wedding day!” It’s awesome.
April 9, 2009 at 10:30 am
I think that it is a very interesting and amusing article. Practically all its main points are true.