Medical room. Owen unzips a body bag containing Teeth. Tosh hovers at the top of the stairs and says ‘hi’, Owen compliments her dress, saying she is “drop dead gorgeous, and I think I speak with some authority.” Yep, he’s still dead. Tosh confesses that she doesn’t get a chance to dress up often, and asks what Owen’s planning to wear. Owen tells her he’s not planning to go to the wedding at all. “Have you ever seen a dead man dance?” Tosh says she’s seen Fred Astaire in Easter Parade a couple of times. Good comeback. Owen mutters that she really needs a date, and makes her promise that this isn’t one before he agrees to “dig out [his] dancing shoes”. Tosh leaves with a satisfied smile, and Owen gets to work dissecting Teeth.
Gwen’s place. Gwen’s parents are there, looking shocked, as she stands grinning maniacally, hoping that if she just keeps smiling as much as she can, this will all become a good idea instead of tarnishing the memory of her wedding with the knowledge that she was carrying alien spawn and had to lie to just about everybody there that she was about to have a baby which would then fail to materealise, creating a need for yet more large-scale deceptions about the details of her and Rhys’s personal life to all the people they love. Mr. Cooper says he knows it’s been a while since they last saw her, but they certainly weren’t expecting this. “Rhys and I wanted it to be a surprise for you!” Gwen crazies. Yes, that is the kind of thing a sane person would do. Mr. Cooper asks if the pregnancy is the reason it’s been so long. Gwen says of course not, “it’s my job.” Yep, they’re just working this pregnant woman to the bone, phew. No, I don’t get any maternity leave, why do you ask? “All the same,” says Mrs. Cooper, “Swansea’s not another planet.” Not from Cardiff, I suppose, no. Gwen tells her parents that she’s sorry, but Mrs. Cooper says there’s no need, and that she “can’t wait to see the look on Rhys’s mum’s face”. Gwen has a dawning look of horror at this, like the fact that this would come up has only just occurred to her. So, so dumb. Mrs. Cooper’s excited about having a grandchild soon. I’m sure that one’ll come to Gwen in a couple of hours or so too.
Some kind of huge country mansion or something. It’s where the wedding’s being held, anyway. Gwen signs her name into a big book, while her parents mutter about her behind her back. Mr. Cooper says that he was with Rhys and his friends last night, and not one of them mentioned anything about the pregnancy. Mrs. Cooper thinks Rhys must have been under orders from Gwen and approvingly says that Gwen “knows how to control her man.” Rhys’s parents arrive, and Gwen’s quickly give us their names, Brenda and Barry. No helpful reciprocation. Mrs. Cooper and Brenda make catty comments about each other’s outfits, because in a shockingly original twist, the mothers of the bride and groom can’t stand each other! Hilarity! How it shall ensue! Barry asks how the bride is doing, and the Coopers look around to find that Gwen’s vanished. “Maybe there’s something we should talk about,” Mr. Cooper delicately begins.
April 9, 2009 at 10:30 am
I think that it is a very interesting and amusing article. Practically all its main points are true.