Gwen’s room. Tosh and her big box arrive. It’s Gwen’s new dress. Gwen holds it up and quietly says “It’s beautiful”, Tosh tells her that she doesn’t blame for telling Jack and Owen where to stick it with their talks of postponing the wedding. “I think it’s wonderful that you’ve decided that keeping to an arbitrary date is far more important than the safety of everyone you love and having memories of what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life untarnished by webs of deceit.” I think that’s what she said. Gwen, striking for ‘sympathetic’ and hitting the bullseye on ‘patronising’, tells Tosh that it’ll happen for her one day too. “There’s always Owen.” Tosh doesn’t think that’ll work, because “till death do us part” will sound like a bad joke. I’m sure that’s the only reason she won’t be marrying Owen. She announces that she’ll let Gwen get on with sobbing into her dress, and if Gwen needs anything, she’ll be downstairs.
Jack’s office. Jack’s looking through a little book of wedding dresses and agrees that Ianto made a good choice. “As you know,” Ianto says, which is never, never, never a good way to start a sentence in any work of fiction. “As you know, my dad was a master tailor. He could size a man’s inside leg measurement by his stride across the shop’s threshold.” I… don’t know how to respond to that. Gareth David Lloyd is clearly struggling to keep a straight face as he says it. Jack and Ianto start flirting, but Owen comes into interrupt. “Jack, we’ve got a problem.” Said problem is some gooey black organ he’s found inside Teeth which identifies him as a “Nostrovite”. Ianto doesn’t know what one of those is, but Jack does; “Trouble. Big trouble.” DUN!
Bar. Mervin attempts to pin a flower on Pomegranate’s dress, and successfully stabs her with it, drawing blood. He’s wearing a pair of sunglasses on his head, for fuck’s sake. Urgh. Anyway, she mops the blood with a napkin and carelessly leaves it on the bar to hurry the plot along as she drags an eager Mervin upstairs with her. Tosh goes to order another drink, and happens to notice the napkin, and the blood! It’s black! Because, as has been obvious from the moment she was not repulsed by Mervin, Pomegranate is NOT HUMAN. DUN, again!
Gwen’s room. Trina and Apple come to the door, and are shocked by Gwen’s pregnancy, as you might expect, since they saw her just a few hours ago and she was showing no signs of it then. Yet another problem with the plan that Gwen failed to account for.
In another room, Pomegranate is straddling Mervin, and begins removing his trousers.
In the corridor outside, Tosh is listening at the doors of all the rooms. Banana appears and starts flirting again, and when her verbal rejections don’t get through to him, Tosh shoves him face first against the wall. Fair enough.
April 9, 2009 at 10:30 am
I think that it is a very interesting and amusing article. Practically all its main points are true.