Heartbreak Hotel. Trina and Apple decide that they must have been wasted enough last night to have completely failed to notice that Gwen was pregnant. Last night, when they were all, Gwen included, drinking heavily. Because that’s something pregnant women do all the time. I’m well aware of the amnesiac effects of excessive drinking, thanks, but are we seriously supposed to accept that every single person at Gwen’s hen night is happy to believe that all of them were so shitfaced that they completely didn’t realise Gwen was pregnant? Really now.
Gwen’s room. Mrs. Cooper admires Gwen in her dress and says she looks like an angel. Angel of Death, perhaps. Gwen apologises again for the surprise baby, Mrs. Cooper tells her there’s nothing to apologise for, “it’s God’s blessing”. Gwen seems to be on the verge of telling her the truth, but changes her mind at the last minute. She stares at herself in the mirror, and starts to cry again. Sheesh, cry, cry, cry, that’s all she ever does. Mr. Cooper comes out of the bathroom, and asks Gwen why she’s crying. “I can’t do this!” she announces, “I can’t lie to you and Mum! This baby isn’t Rhys’s.” He doesn’t look even a little bit surprised.
Outside, Rhys is sending someone a text, I think. His dad, what’s his name? Oh, Barry. Barry appears and tells him that there’s still no sign of Banana. He says that Brenda’s saying this wedding is starting to become a nightmare, and asks Rhys if he’s absolutely certain the baby is his. “Dad, I’m marrying Gwen, I love Gwen, every atom of me loves Gwen, has done since the first time I laid eyes on her, OK?” I’m sure Barry didn’t fail to spot the distinct lack of a ‘yes’ in that answer, but Rhys is not looking like the kind of person you’d want to provoke right now, so he doesn’t say anything more.
Pomegranate’s room. Tosh and Banana are trapped in a cocoon of cheap black plasticky stuff. Tosh tries to struggle free, but it’s entirely futile. “Can you at least move your hand?” she asks Banana. No, actually, I’m trapped in a cocoon of cheap black plasticky stuff, IN CASE THAT HAD ESCAPED YOUR ATTENTION. “Away,” Tosh wearily adds after a moment.
Gwen’s room. Mr. Cooper tells Gwen that it’s totally fine with him if there’s another man involved and she wants to call off the wedding. I don’t think I’d be nearly so forgiving in his situation, but I guess I mostly have no idea what his situation is, really, so, eh. Gwen pays no attention to this, and starts off on a long spiel, telling him all about Torchwood and the Riftmouth and the alien shapeshifters and so on. He doesn’t believe her, shockingly. Especially considering the wholly crazy face she is putting on as she points at her belly and repeatedly whispers “It’s an alien!”
April 9, 2009 at 10:30 am
I think that it is a very interesting and amusing article. Practically all its main points are true.