Downstairs, small children run around in circles, as is their wont. Mr. Cooper finds Mrs. Cooper and murders that the wedding has Gwen “stressed to pieces”. That’s it? That’s you reaction to “I have a job hunting aliens, and one of them bit me and impregnated me last night, haha, isn’t life wacky?” Not “Oh dear, my daughter is certifiably insane”, not “Holy crap, I guess all those alien invasions weren’t mass hallucinations after all!”, just “Oh, she’s under a lot of stress. It’s understandable that she’d start saying her baby was an alien.” Wow. Just wow. Brenda approaches to blah blah family rivalrycakes. Woot.
Pomegranate’s room. Tosh and Banana are still all cocooned up. Banana drearily notes that if Pomegranate comes back, she’s going to kill them. The fact that she hasn’t already is fairly inexplicable, so I really wouldn’t know. Tosh, without sounding much like she believes it herself, tells him that Jack and the team will be here to save them soon enough. Banana isn’t convinced, and starts shouting for help, except he steadfastly refuses to pronounce the letter H. “Elp! Elp!” I don’t know why that irritates me so much, but it does. Tosh points out that Pomegranate will be more likely to come kill them if she hears him yelling, and when Banana isn’t swayed by this logic, she grabs his nuts to make him shut up.
Downstairs. The wedding’s starting? That was sudden. OK. Organ music, Mr. Cooper leads Gwen down the aisle, usual kind of stuff. Pomegranate casts another incredibly suspicious leer at Gwen as she goes. A heartbeat thumps loudly, and we zoom in on Gwen’s stomach. Brenda looks scandalised when she sees the pregnancy, though I assume she’s heard about it by now. Gwen reaches the altar, or whatever you call it if it’s not a church wedding. Mr. Cooper lifts her veil and gives her a kiss on the cheek, Gwen gives an almost radiant smile. “Friends and family of Rhys and Gwen, we are gathered here today…” Etc, etc. More punding heartbeats.
Hyena. Ianto reports that they’re a few minutes away from the wedding. Jack complains about the choice of venue in “the middle of nowhere”. Well, they’re both Welsh, what did you expect? Jack thinks it’s a sign of inner conflict. I believe that’s known as ‘projection’. Ianto thinks it’s because “the happy couple want everything to be perfect”. Owen points out how absurd that statement is at this point, given the whole alien pregnancy thing.
“Rhys and Gwen have chosen to solemnise their commitment before you.” No, I didn’t know that was a word either. The tell-tale heart continues to beat, louder and faster all the time. Pomegranate looks more and more crazy. “The law requires me to ask of you all if there is anyone here who knows of any reason why these to may not marry.” At which point, Jack bursts in and yells “STOOOOOOOOP!” of course, because if you’re going to do a cliché wedding episode, you might as well go all the way.
April 9, 2009 at 10:30 am
I think that it is a very interesting and amusing article. Practically all its main points are true.