Synergy. Alex measures out the rusk and he and Raleigh chuck it in with the meat, and basically it appears that the primary ingredient of their sausages is sand. And then Alex throws in 450g of salt. Appetising. Dan yells at him to get a move on, and Karen notes that his management style seems to be barking orders like a drill sergeant and not actually doing anything himself. Alex wants someone to check his figures on the consistency of their sausages, but Dan’s all “Fuck your maths, maggot! Drop and give me fifty!” and Stuart Baggs™ says he just wants to pack something; “I’d rather sell a dodgy sausage than no sausage”. While Alex, Raleigh and Stuart Baggs™ contend with the complicated task of shoving some meat into a bucket, Jamie talks to the camera about their performance thus far, using the word “embarrassing” no fewer than four times. Shibby’s on the same task as Paloma, and he is certainly having no spurting problems. The machine really strains itself to squeeze out a, well, a lump of sort of brownish stuff. Raleigh stares at it, looking like the most depressed man in the world at this moment. Shibby demands that the start again, and add more water to the mix this time. “It’s too hard, we need it more moist”. What did I tell you?
Over at Apollo, Liz and Stella tap away at their calculators and discover that their sausages are using nearly twice as much meat as their initial sales estimates accounted for, and warn the rest of the team that they need to cut down on that. Nick takes a note of this. We’ll learn later that he is impressed right now, but as usual, you’d never know by looking at him.
Dan gives a thoroughly deluded speech to camera. “I think the team kept reasonably calm, but a lot of that’s down to my leadership, I’ve kept calm about it.” There’s not a single word in that sentence that comes within ten feet of actual truth, is there?
At Apollo, Melissa packs the final sausage, and says sausage a couple more times just to irritate me. Synergy are now on their way to the market to start selling, and Alex whips himself into a branding frenzy once more. “It’s Sausage Saturday! A Celebration of Sausages!” I bet he’s one of those guys who write those management notices where every other word is capitalised for no reason whatsoever.
October 13, 2010 at 8:35 pm |
You missed out the best part about the food miles, which was ‘Ours has… lots and lots less!’ Knowing your prodcut.
This week’s reveals, once again, that I cannot bear to watch pitches.