Lesson Four: Nobody Cares

Apollo have just the one volunteer, again, and this time it’s Chris. In interview he tells us that he’s “proved already throughout this process that [he’s] really good at pitching”, by mumbling his way through a presentation of that stupid beach towel thing that only got any orders because the one group of execs had already seen how much worse the other team’s product was.

Now it’s time for the inventors to pitch their products. We start with the wacky American that is just brought in for a laugh, because no one will actually buy this thing, and hey, I’ve seen this guy before pitching some plastic sheath for your cucumber on Dragon’s Den! His latest invention, he describes as a “no knife facelift”, and it is this crazy Darth Vader mask that shoots lasers at your face to reduce wrinkles or something. “The technology was developed 40 years ago by NASA,” he claims.

The next crazy is wheeled in, and, oh my, this thing. So, basically, you wear it like a bra, but on your back, OK, and if it senses that you are not sitting up straight, it makes an irritating siren go off. The girl who’s having to demonstrate this ridiculous thing looks deeply embarrassed to be there, and the candidates openly laugh at how unmarketable it is. The next thing is some kind of exercise machine that Chris tries out, and he has a bit of banter with the inventor, who is totally nervous, but in the end, Apollo reject it because it doesn’t fit with any of the retailers they have appointments with. And just as they’re saying this, the narrator, who usually does a good enough job that I don’t even notice he’s there, except when he’s saying funny things like “choreographing is estate agent Philip”, reminds us all about how LSAS totally told us that they need to pick products for those retail appointments. I really don’t know why they decided to scream “APOLLO WIN” from the start of this episode.

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